Since the whipped cream is the one that I talk about with regard to Lesbian Life Lessons, we’ll begin there:

Whipped cream + vagina = yeast infection.

I found this out the hard way when I was 16.  I had a “relationship” with a man 20 years older than me.  (I *told* you I had a misspent youth, right?)  Anyway, he got this brilliant idea to fill my vagina with Reddi Whip and, um, well, eat it out, no pun intended. (Really! I just couldn’t come up with a better way to say it!)

While I approve of the choice of whipped cream versus non-dairy topping, it didn’t work out that well. For one thing, it felt odd and make a weird noise as all the air was displaced.  Yeah, *that* was sexy. :eyeroll: Then, the human tongue simply cannot get all the whipped cream out.  Add to the mix having sex afterwards and it was very unpleasant. 

In 2000, I worked for Planned Parenthood and one of the things I learned as part of my training was that women should not use flavored lubes because the sugar causes yeast infections.  Well, duh. So that was it, the sugar.  I wondered if it would have had the same result with sugar-free whipped topping, but not enough to try it and see.

Lesbian Life Lesson #1 should be expanded to say:  Anything with sugar + vagina = yeast infection.

Now, I know some of you are experiential learners and are going to have to test it out.  Be my guest.  But don’t come whining to me when you get a yeast infection!