Wouldn’t you know it?  Once I decided that I should also write reviews of lesbian media, a friend (who shall remain nameless) loaned me a movie.  A lesbian smut movie.  I have to say, I was skeptical.  The last lesbian porn I saw was awful.  All faux-romance and hairy armpits.  :shudders:  The only other thing I can remember about it was that there was a garden hose somehow involved.  Anyway, this time I watched The Crash Pad by Pink and White Productions.

The info on the site describes it pretty well.  On the other hand, they do say that there are no pointless high heels in this movie.  When are high heels pointless, I ask you?  Besides, there are femmes in high heels in this video!  Fucking in heels.  Yes. Thus far, I have never dated a woman who wanted me to keep my heels on during sex.  Probably just as well as I’m sort of clutzy and I might skewer her backside with a stiletto.  I digress.

The basic premise is this:  there is an apartment where you can go as many as 7 times, to do whatever.

In 5 scenes:

3-Way:  There are two women having sex in The Crash Pad when two others come in and just watch.  One of the women having sex invites one of the watchers to join her and her partner.  The 4th women continues to watch.   Overall, I don’t like watching anal sex.  Probably because, while I’ll do it to someone else, though not with a strap on,  it doesn’t interest me.  Thus, the double penetration scenes seemed like a bad idea. 

On one hand, it was a definite positive that the characters were using condoms.  On the other, they, at least once, went right from anus to vagina without changing the condom.  That is just asking for trouble.  All kinds of unpleasantness is likely to ensue if you introduce the bacteria from the anus, where it is perfectly healthy and normal, to the vagina, where it is neither healthy nor normal.

Pass It On:  Explains the premise and is really kind of stupid.  The characters were annoying but at least you got the idea.  Seems like this should have been the first video, but then I’m not a director.

Butch  and Femme:  The best of them.  Of course, I think that, right?  A butch and a femme show up at The Crash Pad.  The sex is mostly good, once I got over the fact that the femme went to the bathroom, on camera, and didn’t wash her hands.  The butch was kind of hot.  It turns out that what I really like in smutty movies is the talking and this femme talked.  A lot.  The butch did, too, a bit, but it was mostly her.   I’ll warn you now that the femme is an ejaculator.  Or at least, I think that’s what is was.  One minute, the movie is kind of hot and the next she’s squirting stuff all over the place.  It was disconcerting, for some reason, to me.  Perhaps because I don’t do it and I’ve never had a partner who did.

Boi on Boi:  One of the bois in 3-way is back at the Crash Pad, with a different partner.  This one is also butch, thus the name.  It didn’t grab me, but it wasn’t a bad scene.  If you like “boi on boi” sex, you’ll probably like this one.

Switch Hitter:  The other butch in 3-way is in this vignette, masturbating with a dildo.  Masturbation scenes don’t get me hot, but this chick is sexy and the scene is well done and believable.  Nothing stupid or distracting.

Crash Pad is now a series on Pink and White’s website.  Go explore. ;)