Or, What to Do When Your Partner is Having a Full Femme Fit.

Step One: Determine if you are the cause of the Fit. (The answer is almost always “yes.” If it’s not, then all you have to do is listen to the rant and not do anything stupid to direct it away from its original source and on to you.)

Step Two: Apologize for whatever you did, even if you think you shouldn’t have to apologize. Do you want to be right or do you want a happy Femme?

Step Three: Commence the sucking up. Which may actually have to occur before your apology will be accepted.

You could do what an ex of mine always did – which was generally act like my FFF was a big nuisance and as if I were a complete idiot. I don’t recommend this course of action, however. You might note that she is an ex.

Really, the best thing to do is figure out what it is that makes Your Femme settle down and do that. Maybe find a couple of things so you can mix ‘em up. For example, if you can make me laugh, I’ll settle down. If you can get me interested in sex, then I will definitely settle down. If you said, “Babe, I can see you’re stressing out right now. Why don’t you go chill and read for a while while I chances are good that I will a) go read for a while and then b) forgive you entirely for whatever minor infraction prompted the FFF.

Promise me that you will never, ever, ever on pain of death say “Babe? Are you PMS?” That is only going to escalate things. Or, if Your Femme takes, say, an ADD medication “Did you take your med?” Dude. That is going to get you in big, fat trouble. I’m just sayin’.