On Valentine’s Day, I saw the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”. It was a great movie starring the lovely Ginnifer Goodwin.

The movie begins with a boy pushing a girl down and saying snotty things to her. She goes and tells her mother who, instead of saying, “That boy was just a stupid jerk and you should ignore him” (or some politically correct, mom-appropriate way of saying that), she tells her daughter that the boy did it because he likes her. Is it any wonder that women tolerate a whole lot of nonsense in our romantic relationships? We’re taught from a very early age that if someone likes us, they’ll be mean.

Gigi (Ginnifer) goes chasing after a man and meets Alex who tells her the truth about men and women in relationships. He had a lot to say but it boiled down to: “If he is interested, he’ll call you.”

The same is true in lesbian relationships: If she is interested, she’ll call you.

A reality check:

If someone doesn’t call you, they didn’t want to call you. She did not lose your phone number, her mother didn’t just die, she didn’t come down with avian flu. She is just not interested. End of story. Every so often, there is an exception to this rule, but it’s the *exception.* Not everyone can be an exception. Harsh as it sounds, you are probably *not* the exception.

It’s not just girlfriends that this applies to, either. If you have a “friend” who never calls you, it’s because they don’t want to call you. They don’t want to see you that much, if they never ask you to do anything. There *are* occasional exceptions: they are in a new relationship, they had a new baby, family emergencies, etc. Those are *exceptions* though and should be short-term. If not, they simply don’t want to hang out.

I have friends like that. I’ve made 600 excuses why they don’t call me, they don’t invite me to do things, etc. I mean, they are always happy to see me when I stop by or when I call. However, they almost never call me or in any way initiate contact. I told myself “They are busy. They have a lot going on.” Then, the other day, I was with a mutual friend when they called and asked her to do something. Can you say “Light bulb moment”? I could almost see the cartoon-light bulb over my head. They are just not that into me.

What should you do when you realize that someone just isn’t into you? It depends.

If it’s a date, then you should do absolutely nothing. Let it go. Move on. There are other fish in the sea. It has little, if anything, to do with you, most likely. Maybe she likes women who are shorter than she is or perhaps she prefers a woman whose vocabulary doesn’t leave her scrambling for her dictionary. It’s possible she is insecure, that she isn’t remotely interested in the things you are and that she can’t conceive of dating a woman who isn’t passionate about fly-fishing. The reason isn’t really important. Consider it an interesting experience and one more woman you can cross of the list of Likely Ms. Rights.

If it’s a friend, then it even further depends. If it’s a relationship you want, even if they don’t initiate contact, then carry on as you have been. If it’s not, then follow the same advice as for a date. Do absolutely nothing. Just stop. If they miss you, they’ll be in touch. If not, I suppose that tells you something, doesn’t it?
Here’s what NOT to do:

Don’t call and make a grand announcement that you aren’t talking to them anymore. That’s pathetic.

Don’t drag any mutual friends into the fray. Don’t go around telling people that you’re not gonna be friends with whomever. Really. That is totally classless.

Don’t write blog posts about “what’s wrong with me and why can’t I get a date?” That will pretty much guarantee you *won’t* get a date because the internet isn’t as anonymous as we’d like to think.

Ditto the “Why don’t I have any friends?” post. Trust me on this. A MySpace meltdown is horrifyingly public.

Do you have anyone in your life who just isn’t that into you? What did you do?