How am I going to meet someone? That’s the bane of the single lesbian.

A reader sent me an email recently saying that what *she* would like to know about is how to meet other lesbians. At lunch yesterday, I was telling a couple of straight friends that if they think it’s hard to meet a good guy, imagine trying to meet a good woman. I mean, Lord. If we can believe the statistics, only 10% of the women in the US are lesbian. Add to that the fact that I don’t date “girls” and look where you are. Not lots of options. I’m on a butch-femme e-list and we’ve been talking about that there, too.

The real problem isn’t that there aren’t any women. It’s that there aren’t any “appropriate” women. Appropriate is different for every one of us, so define that how you will. As we get older the list gets longer. You know, we want stability and similar interests as well as a good kisser. Like that.

For those of us who don’t live in a place where there are lots of lesbians, how do you meet one? The same way people have been meeting for hundreds of years. By living your life and doing things you like. You can’t stay at home and expect to meet someone.

Go out, do stuff. Be nice to people. Tell people you’d like to meet someone. Your married friends might know a single girl or two. Go out on all blind dates. You never know! Besides, if you haven’t dated for a while, it helps to have a few practice runs.

Aside from that, do things you like to do. All the things that women’s magazines have been saying for years is really good advice. Take a class, volunteer, etc. You may not meet the girl of your dreams in your Aikido class or building a Habitat home, but you’ll certainly have stuff to talk about when you do go out on a date.

Meeting people online is another option. If you go looking at dating sites, you might meet someone. It’s dicey, though, especially for lesbians. There simply aren’t that many good sites. The best way to meet people on the net is the same to meet people in person. Participate. The theme of the day is going to be participation!

Post comments on people’s blogs. Leave notes on Facebook or MySpace responding to whatever they’ve written. Be interested. Participate. Write your own status updates or blog posts. Have something to say. Don’t be boring.

Go to yahoo groups or google groups and look for a group about a subject that interests you. Maybe gay- related, maybe not. The butch-femme list I’m on has sparked more than one relationship. At least a half a dozen that I know of, over the years. I’ve been on it for about 10 years, I guess.

I have met two of my good friends and one date online. Melody I met about 11 years ago on a yahoo group about journaling. Since she lived only an hour away from me back then, we soon met in person and she’s now one of my best friends. (She’s the one I go to Atlanta to see.) Diana I met on MySpace. I know more than one person who met her partner on MySpace. In fact, my friend J moved to Athens, GA to be with a woman she met on MySpace and she recently had a baby. It happens.

The key to meeting a great partner is to *be* a great partner. Be sure you’re ready for a partner. Are you someone you’d want to be in a relationship with? I mean, if your finances are a wreck, you’re still pining away over your last relationship and you have your therapist on speed dial, chances are good now is not that time. You might meet someone but it is likely to be someone who isn’t going to be good for you and then, a year (or 10) from now, you’ll be right back where you started from. Give yourself time to be ready.

What about you all? How did you meet the person you’re currently with? How have you met others? What works and what should other readers avoid?