According to Merriam-Webster’s, love is a noun first, then a verb.

I think most of us forget that love is a verb. Love is a feeling verb, for sure, according to the dictionary definition. But if you’re going to be in a successful relationship of any sort, you’d better make sure that love is an action verb as well.

To love someone is about more than how you feel. You can actively love someone and, trust me, when you do, they notice. You can love them by acting lovingly towards them, you can love them by doing things for them, you can love them by recognizing their needs and meeting the ones you can. Love is selfless, though not in a doormat sort of way. In my experience, when you love someone, you want the very best for them and you want to do what you can to help them have it.

Loving isn’t limited to your partners, by the way. You can love your friends, love your parents, love your siblings, love your children.

Actively loving someone is an act of gratitude to [fill in higher power name here] for bringing that person into your life. When you focus on gratitude, oddly enough, more good things start to show up in your life. Maybe they would have been there all along but because you weren’t focused on the good things, you might not have noticed them.

Some of you know that for two years, I was a stay at home mom. I loved being a mama, I loved caring for my boys and my partner but it didn’t start out that way. I started out overwhelmed: two small children (3 and 6)when I’d had none? I had *white* furniture, for pity’s sake. My boys had been abused and neglected and had a string of physical and emotional diagnosis and needed so much care, love and healing. I quit my job to devote myself to their care. At first, it seemed like a huge sacrifice: I loved my job and I was kind of screwing up my career to leave my job when I did. I had choices. We could have hired a nanny, we could have done all sorts of things but what we decided was that the boys really needed the love of their mother, not a hired caretaker, so I left my job to be their mother. I have never once regretted that.

Early on in my mama career, I read something in a book: “In all things, give thanks.” That struck a chord with me. I could continue to stress myself out over the white furniture and all the work I had to do, or I could buy a slipcover and focus on gratitude. I chose gratitude. Things turned around for me, then. I learned to love doing their laundry and folding their little undies and stuff. I began to enjoy finding creative ways to have yummy dinners that didn’t conflict with anyone’s allergies. No packaged foods for my munchkins – I even made ketchup, for pity’s sake. I used my daily housekeeping and caretaking as prayer and meditation. Thanking God for giving me these two precious babies to care for.

After two years, for reasons that are too complicated to write here, I was no longer a mama and I was a single woman again. It is harder to find things to be thankful about but I do. Some days it’s “thank GOD this day is over” but that’s something.

Actively loving means that I seek out ways to express the love I feel. When you actively love, people feel it, even if they can’t put into words what they are feeling. Sometimes it does involve a sacrifice, but most often, it is no more complicated than doing what you were going to have to do anyway, but looking at it as an opportunity to actively love. Sometimes it means going out to dinner when you’ve had a long day because your love needs a break. Sometimes it means writing a check for the lawn service because nobody wants to mow the lawn and it always results in a fight. Sometimes it means sending your love away to have some peace and quiet because they need it badly. Recognizing the need and doing what you can to help fill it. Not because you have to. Because you want to. Because you (actively) love them.

What do you all do to demonstrate love?