G at Can I Help You, Sir? has been writing about her weaknesses when it comes to women. Y’all should go over and read them. Actually, read the whole blog. G is seriously hilarious. More than once I have laughed out loud at her blog.

In any event, she inspired me to do my own posts on weaknesses. Mine are myriad when it comes to women but today I’m only going to talk about one.

Smell.

If I am going to seriously date someone, I have to like how they smell. No, not their perfume or cologne – or I should say “not just their perfume or cologne.”

I have to like how she smells when it’s just her. Sure, I like the just out of the shower smell, but that’s really soap, isn’t it? Or shampoo. No, I mean the real her, the end of the day and all the cologne has worn off her. I have to like how she smells after playing [insert sport of choice here] and is all funky. I love hot, sweaty dyke. Seriously, yum. I have had a hard time convincing more than one of my girlfriends that, yes, I really did wanna do That One Thing after whatever physical activity and before she showered.

I have to like how she smells when she first wakes up in the morning. Or what her head smells like if I kiss the top of her head. Of course, there are intimate smells that I probably ought to like.

This isn’t to say that I don’t like perfume or cologne. I do. Some of my strongest memories of women are smell-related.

I have no idea what perfume that Kim, Girlfriend Number One, wore. It probably changed over the two years we were together. The smell that makes me think of Kim is weed. As in, you know, that illegal stuff? If I smell that somewhere, though I rarely do these days, I always think of her. And sex. Because weed smells like sex to me. Thanks to Kim.

Drakkar Noir is a reasonably inexpensive men’s cologne that Lisa wore. Lisa was my antithesis, in many ways, and the first very butch woman I dated. (And only the 3rd woman altogether, so I learned quickly!) I loved what she smelled like and I loved what she smelled like mixed with Drakkar Noir. Lisa smelled like the badass troublemaker that she was. She smelled dangerous. Dangerous is what (almost) every 23-year-old is looking for. To this day, nearly 20 years later, if a woman is wearing that cologne, I just want to stand close so I can smell her. It’s weird – I don’t associate the smell with Lisa. I just know I love Drakkar Noir.

Then there was Julie. Julie smelled like … how to describe her? She smelled like warmth and friendship and coziness and wild ass country girl. Julie wore Lady Stetson. Julie was the first woman to break my heart. She dumped me brutally, y’all. For a few years after that, the smell of Lady Stetson would make me cry.

VB(nf)GF wore one of the Axe colognes. She used the shampoo, shower gel and body spray. It’s apparently popular because, fairly regularly, I think I smell VB(nf)GF when I’m at the mall or out to dinner or in the drugstore or wherever, so I turn to look for her but it’s just some random dude.

The Ex smelled like home. She smelled earthy and warm. She had her perfume made specifically for her at an Aveda salon and it was perfect. Not sweet at all but also not spicy. It was earthy, like her. Don’t tell her but, when we broke up, I took one of her little containers of it with me. I wore it for a while to keep the smell of her close to me. The comfort of her.

What do I smell like? Well, my own personal FFG smell I can’t tell you. I have no idea, really. On the other hand, I’m in the market for a new perfume. I think I’ve found one but I’m not yet sure. I have to audition a few more.

Does smell do it for you? What are your weaknesses when it comes to women?