My pal Kyle has been keeping notes so that when I end my self-imposed Woman Hiatus he can be of assistance in finding me a new gf. Motivated largely, I’m sure, by an intense desire for me to shut the fuck UP about it already and, possibly, send him more lemon poundcakes.
Then my BFF, Scintillectual, asked me what constitutes the Perfect Woman for me. I hemmed and hawed and then thought, “Fuck. If I don’t know, how will I ever know when I meet her?”
Ready?
I’m a femme. A femme who dates butches. Generally, the more butch of the butch. One ex of mine (who was having an insecure moment) said that I generally prefer my women just this side of peeing standing up. That’s not true. I prefer my women able to have figured out how to pee standing up despite being born without a penis. Stone Butch can be lovely but not necessary. Another femme friend of mine has said, “Melted stone is a femme delicacy” but I really completely dig …. being the active participant in sexual activity. There are various flavors of butch and I love them all. However, if you are not butch, please don’t ask me out. Really, it won’t work. I promise. You are not the exception.
I like the Alpha Wolf. Don’t bother me with alpha dogs. Dogs are domesticated and even so-called alphas can be dominated by a strong femme. Nope. I want the Alpha Wolf, the one who is in charge, the one who growls at me both in pleasure and in frustration. I like aggressive, I like strong. I’m a strong personality – I will have no respect for a partner who lets me “get away with” stuff. I don’t want a daddy, but someone who can stand their own. Also, Alpha Wolves are not insecure and they are not jealous but they don’t tolerate any lesser wolves sniffing around either. They make their presence known even as they enjoy watching their mate be the center of attention.
Smart is an absolute essential. Education and intelligence are not synonymous, by the way. However…. use a word I have to go look up and I’m yours. I will melt in a puddle at your feet. I love the creative use of language. I bought a book because it has “polysyllabic” in the title. Turns out, it’s one of my all time favorites. You should read it: The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby. How could I *not* get that book?
If you make me laugh? Well. Let’s just say that there is little I find sexier in the world than a smart butch who can make me laugh. Unless it’s a smart butch who can make me laugh and who recognizes just how funny *I* am.
Of course, a woman who can *do* stuff is sexy. By “do stuff” I mean put things together, fix things, get gas in my truck and deal with mechanics, not to mention deal with bats.
On a completely shallow note, I’m 5’8” barefoot, as tall as 6’ depending on what shoes I wear. I really like tall butches. At least as tall as I am. I don’t wear those heels so much anymore – but when I do, I feel decidedly unsexy if I tower over my date. I dated someone who was taller than I am and bigger than me in general and I really, really, really (did I say really?) liked that. It doesn’t happen often but it’s lovely. Although, The Ex is an inch shorter than I am and she was so Alpha that almost no one (including me) ever noticed that she wasn’t tall.
Of course, anyone I ever do end up dating has a decided advantage. They can read this blog. I pretty much tell the whole world exactly what to do to impress me and I tell my faults as well.
So when will the Woman Hiatus end? As soon as I meet a butch who makes me want to end it. And not a moment sooner.
The Femme Fairy Godmother is the alterego of a Michigan femme who loves to give (mostly unsolicited) advice to everyone regardless of sexual orientation. Also, the FFG has an overwhelming urge to mother everyone. And by mother I mean tell you how to live your life.
Kyle
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:36 pm
For one thing, yes, I will be angling for more poundcake cuz the one you sent me is abso-fucking-lutely delicious and knee-weakening.
This post is sexy, damned sexy. I love that you are strong enough to state clearly what you do and do not want. Strong is sexy, confident is sexy, strong enough to let someone else be in control sometimes.. very very sexy to this butch. Stick to your standards, beautiful, so that when Mr. Right Butch comes along, you’re ready for him.
As for me, yes, as Alpha Wolf as I can be, I’m not nearly tall enough and then there is that problem of my dance card being quite full already. But I love poundcake, and other baked goods
Cheree
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I once dated a woman who got into a pissing contest with a bunch of men behind a bar.
She won.
FemmeFairyGodmother
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Oh, gorgeous, I *knew* that! Just keep an eye out for me, okay?
I mean, lord, half the butch world reads your blog, right?
FemmeFairyGodmother
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Yes! I love that! I love a woman who wins pissing contests!
Really.
Scintillectual
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:32 pm
I love this line:”…said that I generally prefer my women just this side of peeing standing up”! Seriously, for me? My women just kept getting so butch that I wound up with one who is now legally male! I’ve backed off…a bit…Norway claims to be “sporty butch.” Is that like one of the Spice Girls? I’m sorry…she’s butch butch whether she likes it or not. If I am *considering* any kind of anything with a woman — even if it’s just a one night stand? You better believe she’s butch butch. But never stone…I’m too top for that.
FemmeFairyGodmother
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 pm
@Scintillectual Norway is about as sporty butch as I am! (and yes, I’m pretty sure that was a Spice Girl.) Norway is as butch as I am femme. And that’s sayin’ something.
Billi
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
This was definitely a SEXY POST! It got me in the “ooo la la” mode without even being related to me. I’m very attracted to women who are very butch, intelligent and live in a world of laughter. I’m also dating a person who is legally male and the skills that he’s brought into my world are amazing. If ever I’m on the market again, though, I’d go for exactly the type of person you go for.. so keep your eyes open for some sexy young butches for me
Akki
September 24th, 2009 at 1:00 am
Femmes start your engines. Allow me to tell you the best parts of being butch/two spirited/woman/butch. First, there is nothing better than the sweet smelling woman who gives herself up to being “taken” in the best way. I find it wonderful to have her be the social planner, the one who loves to cook because it makes her feel good, you can taste it in the food which makes cooking for her an equal pleasure. I love the femme who knows how to talk away at a party when I don’t feel like talking. She asks the right questions about how I’m feeling about things without making it a big deal to talk about feelings…even butch women have feelings. She understands that my grouchiness at times is part of my charm. She knows that same grouchiness will kick in when someone messes with her; I believe she can take care of herself but I like the illusion that she would like me to raise my lip in a snarl at the right time when someone is sniffing around. I like her to smell good, dance sexy, giggle, know how to curl up, feel good, dress to show her ass and know how to be sly in that sexually subtle beautiful way. My God I love a femme. It’s great when she cuddles the children, any children and the pets. I love a smart, savvy, take-no-shit femme who knows how to calm people. Well read, smart, funny, loving, gentle, surprising, fun, athletic to a point, pony tail, sneakers, absorbed in loving her family and taking care of herself. Skirt wearing, lipstick wearing, cleavage showing, loving, community building, nurturing, traveling, singing, laughing, talking, lighting up a room femme. Femmes let us build stuff and complain about the tool box being left out. Femmes let us know that they believe in us and that we can do anything. I think being Butch is a very lucky thing.
Akki
September 24th, 2009 at 1:02 am
Oh, I forgot, is that the lavendar, butter pound cake? Send some this way or better yet, can I add that to the list of baking while here items?
dawg
September 24th, 2009 at 8:53 am
I never could date butches, however, I never could date femmes either.
Butches in bed are hella fun, but, femmes know exactly what they want and bedding down with one meant hours of endless sex.
I preferred the tweeners. I found younger ones annoyed me, but those 5 yrs older than me didn’t treat me as an equal.
Hottie is perfect and DAMN it took me forever to find her!
8thday
September 24th, 2009 at 10:32 am
My partner and I being more middle of the road queer, I’m not feeling particularly qualified to comment on this entry. I did, however, love reading it. And now the more femme leaning part of my personality is now wondering if you’d share you recipe for lemon poundacke?
FemmeFairyGodmother
September 24th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@Akki Ya couldn’t say “oh, yes, let me tell you from experience *this* femme rocks? Oh, no. Sigh. Fine. Yes this is the lavender poundcake only I use lemon instead of lavender mostly cause to lots of people lavender tastes like soap.
FemmeFairyGodmother
September 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@8thDay – Yes! I’ll share the recipe. Look for it today or tomorrow.
FemmeFairyGodmother
September 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@Akki and yes I’ll make you one. Lemon? or Laveneder? Your choise.
saintchick
September 24th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
This made me crack the hell up.. I should do my own “list” also. Like a pre-filled application for future applicants. It would be so much easier… right ? I have no valuable comment other than sometimes your posts make me crack up for a very long time after reading them.. oxox
Andi
September 24th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Too much lemon? Is that possible? I think not! This Butch loves lemon, and I think my mouth just watered thinking about it… Well, that and various other things which shall remain a mystery.
To the Femmes, I adore you, and Thank You for love us the way we are.
FemmeFairyGodmother
September 24th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
@Saintchick All comments are valuable! I love them! And I’m glad you crack up.
Tell your friends to read me, too!
@Andi How could we *not* love YOU, Andi?
You should make the poundcake. It’s not really complicated and it is yummy. (Like you!)
Andi
September 24th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Oh, I could think of a few who don’t love me! LOL! I’m not a baker, however I may pass this recipe on to someone who does.
What about Peanut Butter cookies? With a bit of sugar on top, and I don’t mean regular sugar but that little bit larger stuff. Oh, and I like them a little burnt… Strange, eh?
Scintillectual
September 24th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
ummm…@dawg…hours of endless sex is a *problem* for you? Maybe you’ve been with too many pillow princesses. This femme top gives as good as she gets. For hours and hours and hours.
Charmer
September 24th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Loved the post! I, too am on a woman hiatus. But, rather than waiting for the right butch to come along to end it, I’m waiting for the right femme and/or tweener. ‘Tis been a long but interesting wait thus far.
Keep ‘em coming, you’ve got a new fan.
Akki
September 24th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
One doesn’t mention who the femme is they are thinking about. It’s like being a used car saleswoman only it’s about selling your ex. Not cool.
Come on people! FFG needs a Butch! « Butchtastic
September 25th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
[...] My good friend, FemmeFairyGodmother (FemmFairyGodMom on twitter) is in need of a butch, but not any butch. No, this woman has standards (but hey, don’t they all?). She posted about her quest yesterday. [...]
Kimber
September 26th, 2009 at 1:07 am
I met my ex this way – put a personal ad on a site, but instead of advertising *me*, I listed all the things I was looking for in a relationship, in a butch partner. And all the things that were deal-breakers, too. (need not apply if…)
It was all about “You are…” – and there were a *lot* of details. All I wrote about myself was “Me: worth it.”
She was reading through the site for a paper she was writing in grad-school – comparing queer ads among dykes versus gay guys. Said she figured it was useless to read for interest, because it was a U.S. site and we’re Canadian…
Apparently she read it and thought, “She’s looking for me.” Turns out I was. Go figure.
It could work. (and did for over 5 years for us) Sometimes you just have to put it out to the universe and hope the universe delivers…
~k