I used to write a blog called Dichotomous Nature. That actually describes me well. An example?
This is my favorite poem ever. It’s by Rumi.
The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.
I believe that to be true. I also do not believe in the concept of “soul mates” as in there is only one person with whom I am meant to be. If I believed that, I’d be pretty screwed right now, wouldn’t I? Being divorced and all.
How to reconcile those two things?
There’s the question.
I’ve been thinking about relationships a bit lately. I’m in no way prepared to be in one now – at least not a serious one – but I know I will one day, even if it’s not for 10 years.
Hell, I’m not even sure I believe in Happily Ever After. It’s hard to hold on to that optimism after having thought you were going to be married to the same person for the rest of your life. I would like to think that it’s possible to be with the same person, happily with the same person, forever but I just don’t know. I’m 42, though, so that increases my odds, right? Not as long to be married. *grin*
Of course, I pretty much have to wait to have that relationship until after I no longer feel like she would be my second choice. That’s no way to begin a relationship. I have to be fully finished with the last one.
When I am in a relationship again, even as I know she isn’t The Only One, I want that sense of recognition that she is The One. I want to be with someone who feels like we’ve been waiting to find each other. Metaphysically, I think people are drawn to us for a reason. I wish I knew what was going to be the thing that draws my next love to me.
I’m practical. It’s not that I think The One and I will never have disagreements or times that are less than fabulous. We will. I want to be with someone who is also my friend. Someone who I can tell the difficult things to as well as share the wonderful. I’m mostly wonderful with just a little bit of difficult thrown in. Still, everyone has some difficult. Mine are just more dramatic than some people’s difficult.
And you all? Do you believe in soul mates? Do you believe in Happily Ever After? Can you imagine living the rest of your life with the same woman? Or man for the odd straight chick or two who read this. If you have met Your One, how did you know?
The Femme Fairy Godmother is the alterego of a Michigan femme who loves to give (mostly unsolicited) advice to everyone regardless of sexual orientation. Also, the FFG has an overwhelming urge to mother everyone. And by mother I mean tell you how to live your life.
Delayne
October 14th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
I am thinking along the same path as you. Maybe not “soul mates” or “the one and only one” but there are people who you are “meant” to be with either for a short or long period of time. I was meant to meet my girlfriend. I think if any of our circumstances were different, we’d meet in that other parallel universe. Both of us are actually medical miracles (me a miracle baby, she survived a couple of instances where she should have been or was actually technically dead), that probably helps the belief that you were meant to be here for something. I think it may have to do with the kid we have planned in our future.
So when it comes to forever, in terms of the moment, one can always think forever. And I think that thinking of forever is the only way it should be. When it comes to whatever end it is supposed to, hopefully one can realise that was the “forever” you were meant to share together and can move on. It is good to be an optimist and believe in happily ever after, but being a realist (and I can tell you are FFG) and knowing that it isn’t always easy is also a good thing.
Camlin
October 14th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I’ve not given up on the soul mate concept…just not sure if there’s one for me in this lifetime – it’s a long weird story that involves an out of body experience. I do agree that there are people we are ‘meant’ to meet – and maybe there’s more than one soul mate. There are some situations in which you can love deeply, lose a person, and love deeply again.
I knew that my ex wasn’t “the one.” Even when I was with him. I just figured that I wouldn’t find anyone else (yes, major self-esteem issues) and so I settled. I won’t settle again, that’s for sure.
Yes, I can imagine the rest of my life with the same woman. I’m still an optimist!
Nulaanne
October 14th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I belive in the concept of soul mate. However, I belive that a soul mate can also be a BFF and not just a lover or partner.
My ex was not “the one” I married because that is what I was taught good girls do. I waited 15 years to meet someone I fell head over heals in love with. I am still waiting for her as family things are currently keeping us apart.
Yes, I can spend the rest of my life with her. She amazes me in a new way every day.
CJ
October 14th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I used to believe in soul mates. Until the one I was convinced was it up and left me by surprise 10 years ago. I do believe people come in and out of our lives for a specific purpose. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I usually don’t figure that out until they are out of the picture.
Great post.
Smalltowndyke
October 14th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
i didn’t believe in untill I found mine. She has made a true believer.
Billi
October 15th, 2009 at 12:07 am
I don’t believe in forever. I believe in right now and being happy with who you are with. I realize that many loves come into my life and they’ve all been special for different reasons but I can’t think that any of them were going to last the rest of my life. Maybe that is because I am young or maybe it’s because the woman I loved the most left me and sometimes it’s rough thinking of any other person in a “forever” way.
I can be Happily Ever After right now and that’s good enough for me. As long as I have someone stable who loves me and whom I adore, I am content. (certain other things have to align like sex and intellect too) Soul mates can be our best friends, not just romantic partners.
Charmer
October 15th, 2009 at 2:37 am
I’ve a pretty strong feeling both of Happily Ever After and The One. I’m waiting for a person to move my world as much as that other person did. I think that once you’ve experienced that type of overpowering, electric magnetism with another person; it is impossible to make do with anything less.
As for The Only One…the jury is still out. Right now, there’s only been one, but I’ve been actively seeking another The One.
I agree with Nulaanne and Billi that “soul mate” doesn’t have to be reserved for romantic/sexual partners.
kerie
October 15th, 2009 at 3:43 am
Happily Ever After may not happen but I know I’ll love only one woman for the rest of my life. I can live with that even if I have to live without her. I believe in forever and I believe in her.
8thday
October 15th, 2009 at 8:10 am
I believe in soulmates because I had one.
But I also believe that much like we have different types of friendships, we can have different types of love relationships.
I don’t know if I believe in Happily Ever After but I do believe in working toward happiness today. And then the day after. And then the day after that . . . .
Margo
October 15th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
This is a fabulous post. Love Rumi. Love the idea of Dichotomous Nature (great blog title) and I love the quest for The One.
Who knows about soulmates? I know that I’ve know Becca since before we were born. Is that a soulmate? I’ve also read that a true soulmate challenges you in ways that makes it impossible to be together forever. Soulmates open you soul and make you better then are gone.
Who knows. But I hope when you’re ready you find The One, no matter how many Ones you have to go through to get there.
Akki
October 16th, 2009 at 12:56 am
You ever buy a pair of shoes hoping that they will stop pinching your toes in that one area? The not quite right fit, however, I love the way they look, or the way they feel if I don’t walk much and really put them to the test? Or they will fit if I wear thin socks or thick socks? The I really want these to fit shoes; I love them. I can ignore those few places where the fit pinches off my circulation. Those shoes don’t get worn much; they just never quite break in. FFG, you deserve the best love out there. I miss you and think anyone would be lucky to have you, drama and all.
Akki
October 17th, 2009 at 2:16 am
It’s late and after your email I think it wise that I move on as well. So, peace to you and your blog; I will miss reading and writing. You have a great life going on and my journey has me dedicated to healing youth. I don’t even have the love question anymore. After you, I’d be settling.