I was talking to a friend recently who was having difficulty with her girlfriend. The girlfriend couldn’t have orgasms easily, if at all, and she blamed my friend. When my friend told me this, she wanted to blame herself for her girlfriend’s lack of orgasms. I had to interrupt her: You, and only you, are responsible for your own orgasms.

You can be the best in bed, you can be intuitive, you can love sex and love women, but if your partner can’t or won’t communicate their needs and preferences, then your partner isn’t likely to have an orgasm.

For the nonorgasmic partner, the responsibility lies with you. If you can’t talk about sex with your partner, then you are not old enough to have sex – regardless of your chronological age. Or, perhaps you are old enough but you have chosen the wrong partner.

I am not a psychologist, so I won’t give you possible treatments or anything like that. I will tell you to do your research, there are books and websites that can give you all kinds of information.

If you aren’t having orgasms, it is entirely your own responsibility to fix that! If you have a loving partner (and if you don’t, why not?) then take the risk, open up and explore. It will be worth it in the long run.

Have you ever had trouble having an orgasm? If you have, what did you do to get past it? What did you try that didn’t work for you?