Femme Fairy Godmother» Aunt Barbie’s Kitchen

Banana Custardy Stuff

FemmeFairyGodmother — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 01:43:09 +0000

While I was looking at one of the approximately 512,000 magazines I subscribe to, I came across a recipe for a banana pseudo-custard. I lost the recipe but I remembered the key ingredient, so I decided to experiment. After I made it, I found the original recipe and my version wasn’t far off. This stuff is even pretty healthful.

Banana Custardy Stuff

5 ripe bananas
1/4 t vanilla
1/4 c nonfat milk

food processor

The bananas need to be pretty ripe – there should be some brown spots on the peels. Cut them up into small pieces and freeze them. By the way, small pieces means more like diced than sliced. More like cut each slice of banana into quarters. Trust me on this one.

Once the bananas are frozen, pop ‘em into your food processor with the vanilla and milk and process away until smooth. You may need to put the bananas in the processor in batches, depending on how powerful your food processor is. By “in batches” I just mean put some in, process, add more, process, etc. Don’t take the processed stuff out in between.

Once they are all processed, scoop out into 4 bowls and serve immediately.

I tried to save some of this in the freezer and it didn’t stay the same texture, so you probably want to eat it all the same day. You can halve the recipe, though, but if you don’t want a stray half a banana lying around, then use 3 bananas.

You could serve this plain (I did) or put chocolate syrup over it and/or nuts and/or whipped cream. It is soooooo yummy. And good for you! That’s a combo you can’t beat. It’s also pretty inexpensive. I saw bananas in the supermarket for 44 cents a pound and 5 bananas is probably about a pound.

Try it out and tell me what you think!

The Butch Cookbook

FemmeFairyGodmother — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 18:28:39 +0000

When I read a review of The Butch Cookbook in Between the Lines last year, I was, as my Southern grandmom would have said, tickled pink. I expected a bunch of recipes for boxed this and packaged that and half a cookbook of grilled food. Don’t ask me why given that I know a butch or two who cooks and who cook well.

When I received the book, I found not only recipes that made my mouth water but stories: butch history, quotes from butches, and lovely bios of the butches whose recipes were selected.

There were recipes that were complex and some were more simple. One cracked me up. It was Carolyn Gage’s recipe for Black Bean Dip. The first instruction is “Put it all in a blender and let ‘er rip.” There really is something for everyone in this cookbook – for experienced cooks, for the novice cook and all of us in between.

The Butch Cookbook is going to be a movie star! It’s going to be in “A Perfect Family” with Kathleen Turner, Emily Deschanel and others. There are lesbians in it, so you’re gonna want to see it anyway but now you even have more of a reason.

The Huffington Post is running a contest right now for The Most Unusual Cookbook. Go on over and vote for The Butch Cookbook. It’s great publicity for the book and we want to support our butches, don’t we?

Oh … and one more thing! The authors of TBC are producing a Femme Cookbooklet as a promotional item and guess whose Lemon Poundcake recipe is going to be included? Yes, darlings, mine! I’m very excited about it. I’ll let you know how to get a copy as soon as I know!

Now go vote for The Butch Cookbook!

Spicy Black Eyed Peas with Couscous

FemmeFairyGodmother — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:00:14 +0000

One of my favorite things is beans + tomatoes + couscous. I haven’t posted my stand-by Black Beans & Couscous yet, though I will at some point, I’m sure. I had 2 cans of black eyed peas in my cabinet that I’d had since Reagan was president (I only exaggerate slightly), so I thought I’d better come up with something to use them. All I can say is … yum!

Thank you BlazerWest and SweetSpiced for testing this recipe for me and taking such fabulous pictures.

Ingredients

1 Tablespoon olive oil

1 medium onion, chopped (you can use whatever kind of onion you like and cut it however you like it.)

1 teaspoon chopped garlic (I buy the kind that’s prechopped because I hate fooling around with garlic.)

1 chipotle chili, chopped, seeds removed (Unless you like having your lips burned off.) Chipotles and adobo sauce are together, in a small can, which you can find in the Mexican Food section of your supermarket.

2 teaspoons adobo sauce (use can freeze the leftover chilis & adobo sauce but I’d cut them up first & freeze with 1 pepper + 2 t sauce. You can use an ice tray for this.)

1 can black eyed peas with bacon (You can make this veggie by getting the BEP w/o bacon), drained

1 can diced tomatoes, drained

1 cup couscous

1 cup broth (whatever you have around: beef, chicken, veggie)

Directions
1. Sauté the onions and garlic in the olive oil until the onions are soft-ish.
2. Pour the tomatoes and black eyed peas into the frying pan, along with the chipotle pepper and the adobo suace. Stir together.
3. Cook over low heat until whatever juice is left has thickened and the beans are warmed through.
4. While you’re doing that, microwave the broth until it boils, about 5 minutes.
5. Mix the couscous and the broth together, cover and let sit for 5 minutes.
6. Spoon the couscous into 4 bowls, the top with ¼ of the black eyed pea mixture.

FFG’S NOTES:

If you don’t have quite enough broth, you can use water to make up the difference. If you find you don’t have any broth, just use water. I think the broth makes it yummier but, strictly speaking, you only need liquid of some sort.

If you use whole wheat couscous, you’ll need 1.25 cups of broth, but still only 1 cup of couscous.

You can add shrimp or chicken to this and it’s very yummy.

If you want to freeze some for later, let it cool first, then put in freezer bags. To reheat, just microwave it! Couscous doesn’t freeze that well, though, so make that fresh. You can make just how much you want by using equal parts liquid and couscous. Or, for whole wheat couscous, 1.25 parts liquid, to 1 part couscous. (ie for 2 servings, ½ cup couscous, ¾ cup liquid.)

If you don’t have – or don’t like – couscous, you can use rice. Just make 4 servings according to package directions.

Serve with a salad or with some other vegetables like green beans or sugar snap peas. Bread would probably be overkill on the carb front.

RECIPE TESTER NOTES
BW & SS had this to say:

(BW) DRAIN THE TOMATOES AND THE BLACK EYED PEAS.

(BW) I like spicy stuff, GF is a bit wimpier, we both thought this was good.

(SS) Was too spicy for me, but my daughter loved it.

(SS) *paraphrasing* thought it needed something else to make it a full meal, such as chicken strips. Also thought it could use some more color, like green peppers or fresh cilantro. As I detest green peppers with a passion, I’d go for the cilantro – or parsley, if you don’t like cilantro.

COST
I have been looking for recipes that were budget-friendly. I asked BW and SS to tell me what they paid for the ingredients and I compared it to what it cost here. Both of them are on the West Coast, I am in Michigan and the prices were nearly the same.

This price list is directly from BW’s email
Black eyed peas $1.59
Diced tomatoes $1.89
Can of chicken broth $1.55
Couscous $2.00
Chipotle peppers $1.25
Yellow onion $.49
Enough diced garlic to last a lifetime (or April 2010 exp) $4.49

And now on to the pictures! The first picture is BW’s finished product, the second is SS’s. I didn’t take my own pictures because I forgot! Aren’t I lucky to have these two to help me out?

Christmas Punch

FemmeFairyGodmother — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 03:45:20 +0000

This is the easiest possible punch.

- 2 parts Sprite (or whatever lemon-lime soda you like)
- 1 part cranberry juice (or cranberry juice cocktail if you prefer less tart)
- as much vodka as you like. (You can also leave the vodka out if you prefer to remain sober so as to act right in public.

Stir it up, serve over ice and YUM!

* I would like to take full credit for this but my friend CBQ gave me the nonalcoholic version and YUM. The vodka is all mine.

* Also, I drink this whenev. I don’t necessarily wait for Christmas. Tuesday afternoon will do. Though, then I generally leave out the liquor.

Aunt Barbie’s Oatmeal Cookies

FemmeFairyGodmother — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:52:30 +0000

There really is no way to be terribly original with oatmeal cookies, but I’ve changed this up a bit. They were The Ex’s favorite cookie and also the fave of at least two of her siblings. I don’t even like oatmeal cookies but I love these. Have you figured out yet that maple is among my favorites?

Ingredients
3 cups quick-cooking oats (but NOT instant.)
2 cups maple sugar (if you can’t get that, then 2 cups firmly packed brown sugar)
1 cup butter, softened
2 eggs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon maple extract
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (buy the best of this you can afford. It really makes a difference to use the good kind.)
½ teaspoon salt
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour (King Arthur really is the best but you can use whatever)
Cooking spray (for cookie sheets)

Supplies
Cookie sheets, preferably 2
Large mixing bowl
Mixer
Teaspoon
Cooling racks (if you don’t have them, don’t worry. Just cool them on a plate.)

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 375. Spray the cookie sheet(s) with cooking spray.
In large mixing bowl, combine all the ingredients except the flour. Beat at a low speed, scraping the bowl often, until well-mixed. (about 2 minutes or so)
By hand, stir in the flour until it is well-mixed. Maybe another 2 minutes?
Drop the dough by rounded teaspoons, 2 inches apart onto greased cookie sheet. Now really? You don’t have to measure. Just leave them some room to expand. And don’t worry about how much is a “rounded teaspoon.” However much fits on the teaspoon will be fine.
Bake 8 – 10 minutes, until edges are lightly browned.
Cool on a cooling rack (or a plate)

Notes
If you don’t like maple, use all vanilla. Or whatever else. I bet pumpkin pie spice would be good in these.

I love maple but I found that 2 tsp maple extract was too much.

You can also add 1 cup of various things to the dough, such as raisins, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, dried cranberries, coconut or pecans. Just mix ‘em in after the flour.

Dark Chocolate Maple Brownies

FemmeFairyGodmother — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:34:58 +0000

I adapted this from a recipe in a cookbook. I didn’t have the baking chocolate so I substituted the cocoa powder.

Ingredients
6 level Tablespoons of Hershey’s Special Dark Cocoa (100% Cacao)
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
8 Tablespoons butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
½ cup all-purpose flour
Pinch of salt
½ teaspoon maple extract
Cooking spray

Supplies
8” square baking pan
Mixing bowl
Fork
Microwavable bowl

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 350. Spray the baking pan with cooking spray.
Put the cocoa, oil and butter in a microwavable bowl and microwave for 30 seconds. Mix and microwave in 10 second increments until the butter is melted. Stir together.
Transfer the chocolate mixture to a mixing bowl and stir in the sugar. Then beat in the eggs, one at a time. Gently stir in the sugar, salt and maple extract.
Pour and scrape the batter into the prepared pan.
Bake 20-25 minutes or until just barely set in the middle. You really don’t want to overcook them.
Cool on a rack before cutting. Store them covered and at room temperature.

Notes
If you don’t like dark chocolate, you can use regular chocolate.
If you don’t like maple, you can use vanilla.
I bet they would be good with brown sugar but I haven’t tried it. If you do, you should tell me how it works!

Tater Tot Casserole

FemmeFairyGodmother — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:36:14 +0000

Tater Tot Casserole

This recipe came from my sister’s mother-in-law. You can make only half of it, if this is too much. I was surprised at how un-bad-for-you it is overall. It’s one of my favorite guilty pleasures and, in the winter, I always have the ingredients in my freezer.

Of course, these days I only make half of the recipe because I live by myself. If you decide to halve yours, I’d go for the cream of chicken soup rather than the cream of mushroom or using half of each. It’s still pretty yummy.

Ingredients
1 pound extra lean ground beef
1 can Cream of Chicken Soup
1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup (you can sub any cream of whatever you like for either of these soups.)
8 ounces Reduced-fat Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1-32 ounce package Tater Tots

Supplies
9 x 13” baking dish (or a 9” square baking dish, if you’re making half)
Small mixing bowl (but you can use whatever size you have)

Instructions

Put the uncooked ground beef in the bottom of the baking pan and press it in like you would a pie crust. Do not cook the ground beef ahead of time, no matter how much you want to. Trust me.

Mix the two cans of soup in a bowl, then pour over the ground beef. Do not add water to the soup, just pour in the concentrated soup.

Add the shredded cheddar cheese.

Now put the tater tots in a single layer on top of the cheese. My sister methodically puts the tater tots in neat little rows. I dump the bag in and spread them out, making more or less a single layer. Do whatever you prefer.

Bake at 350 for one hour.

Andi’s Pork Tenderloin

FemmeFairyGodmother — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:12:54 +0000

Andi’s Pork Tenderloin

I made a plea to all my butches on Twitter for recipes. Andi, the doll, gave me two. Here’s one. The other is waiting for me to have a party or potluck to go to so I can make it. As for this one, I have included both Andi’s directions and my interpretation, thereof. I can tell you that even my 15-year-old niece and 12-year-old loved it.

Ingredients

1 Medium Pork tenderloin [I bought about 2#]

1 Large Bottle Franks Hot Sauce w/lime (or just regular)[I got regular]

The juice of 2 large limes. [I hate juicing things, so I bought the kind you get in the little plastic lime in the supermarket. It’s not fresh but it works.]

1 Small bottle of honey (or whatever honey you use) [I used 1 cup of honey]

Fresh minced garlic to your tasting (I like a lot of garlic) [I used 1 Tablespoon]

Supplies

Measuring spoons

Juicer (or else you can use lime juice and skip this)

9 x 13 pan to marinate the porkloin

Grill (or broiler)

Grill utensils, if you’re gonna grill

Andi’s Directions:

Now with this there really isn’t much brain power needed, and if you’ve have a few drinks, no big deal. You can’t really screw this up.

You take your pork tenderloin, your hot sauce, squeeze 2 limes, add as much honey as you want, I usually use 3 good squeezes of honey and I add in a shit load of fresh minced garlic. But that’s because I love fresh garlic, so use whatever and however much you want.

You let that all marinate in the fridge for the afternoon and then you throw it onto the bbq low heat for about 6-8 minutes each side depending on how large of a tenderloin you bought.

My interpretation

Whisk together the Franks hot sauce, honey, lime juice and garlic in a large bowl.
Put the pork tenderloin in the 9×13 pan and pour the hot sauce mixture over it. Put that into the refrigerator and let it marinate all afternoon. If you think of it, go in and spoon more sauce over the top. If you don’t think of it, don’t worry about it.
When you’re ready to cook, heat the grill.
Grill each side for about 6-8 minutes.
If you forget to buy a gas thingie (aka propane, I guess) for your grill, you can cook this in the broiler. It’s at 500 degrees, so it takes about the same length of time to cook.
You know it’s done when you put an instant-read thermometer in the pork and it says it’s at 150.
If you don’t have a thermometer, cut open a piece and it should look only slightly raw.
Take it out and let it rest for about 10 minutes & it will finish cooking. (Trust me on this okay?)

Andi

Andi’s Grill of Goodness

If you’d like a copy of this that is more printer friendly, go here

Experimental Dinner #1: The Intro

FemmeFairyGodmother — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:38:26 +0000

About 500 years ago, or between 1995 & the end of 1996, I had dinner parties every Monday night. I called them Experimental Dinners because I was always experimenting with recipes. Most were great. Once or twice I ordered pizza.

I haven’t cooked regularly in a long time. It was March 2006, actually, when I stopped cooking. I eat a lot of cereal for dinner and frozen dinners. Honestly, some of them are pretty good. I go out to lunch pretty frequently too.

Really? I gotta knock it off. So I invited people over for dinner. Now, it’s been awhile since I cooked for anyone, so I chose the safest of people: my sister, her husband and the children. Y’all, it was *fun*. We had an amazing pork roast, thanks to my pal Andi (recipe tomorrow), mashed potatoes and corn and ice cream in waffle bowls for dessert. Yum.

Not that there weren’t pitfalls along the way. Remember the gas grill I finally got put together? Well, I went to buy a propane tank for it (which, btw, I was calling “the gas thingie” until my friend T told me yesterday, “Barbara! It’s a propane tank! Had *I* been there you would have gotten the right thing!) Which sort of gives away my point – I bought the wrong damned thing. The guy at the store told me to buy this little one, which is for, like a camping grill or something. I didn’t know it, though, until too late, so I broiled the damned porkloin. It was still fabulous. Also, I realized that I invited 4 people over and I only have 4 plates. Oops! I used a salad plate, no big deal. Also, I don’t have a dining room table so we ate in the living room.

Afterwards, my niece and nephew entertained us with silliness, we watched a DVD of “The Big Bang Theory” (which I can’t say enough that you people ALL should rent and watch the first episode of the first season. So freaking funny.)

By the way, if T were here, my window AC probably wouldn’t still be in the window. I am going to have to be a big girl and do it my dog gone self. Pester me about it, will you?

Lemon Poundcake

FemmeFairyGodmother — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:39:29 +0000

This started out a lavender pound cake, which I think is yummy but about half the world thinks tastes like soap. Since I really don’t want my cakes to taste like soap, I adjusted. I sometimes substitute lemon flavoring for the vanilla, but that may be too much lemon for some of you!

Ingredients
2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 cups vanilla sugar (Recipe to follow)
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 eggs
1 cup sour cream
¼ cup milk
Lemon Drizzle (Recipe to follow)

Supplies
Measuring spoons
Measuring cups
2 mixing bowls
Mixer
Bundt pan or 2 loaf pans
Cooling racks (not strictly necessary but they cool faster.)

Instructions

Heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease and flour two 8-1/2 x 4-1/2 x 2-5/8 loaf pans (or one bundt pan if you’d like a “fancy” cake.)

Mix flour, baking soda and salt in a medium size bowl.

In a large bowl, beat butter, vanilla sugar, 1-1/2 cups sugar and vanilla until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Beat in eggs, one at a time, beating well after each. In small bowl, combine sour cream and milk. On low speed, alternately beat in flour mixture and sour cream mixture: first ½ flour mixture, then the sour cream mixture, then the remaining flour mixture. Divide between pans, if you’re using loaf pans.

Bake at 350 for 55 minutes or until tester comes out clean. Cool on rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pan(s) and let cool completely. (I have found that if you use the bundt pan, you have to let it cool quite a bit before it will come out of the pan.)

When it’s completely cool, drizzle with Lemon Drizzle and let sit for at least half an hour. (If you can stand it. I almost never can!)

Vanilla Sugar

Put vanilla bean in sugar, cover tightly and let sit for 2 weeks. Every so often (maybe every other day or so) shake the container to mix things up a bit.

Lemon Drizzle
¼ cup lemon juice
¾ cup confectioners sugar
Once the cake is cool, whisk together the lemon juice and the sugar. You might find that you prefer a more lemony cake, so keep adding lemon juice until you get the consistency and taste that you like. Once you have it, drizzle over the cakes.

If you want a printable version of this, go here