Femme Fairy Godmother

I have a gorgeous 5 and a half pound, 11 year old, Chihuahua whose name is Peggy Sue. I’ve only had Peggy Sue for 2 years and I love her. She is the tiniest little thing ever. I also happen to think she is the cutest thing ever. She’s a sweet dog, very snuggly and [...]

One would think that taking a shower would be something we would all learn as children but, if one thought that, one would be wrong. The Girl is actually not the inspiration for this Life Lesson. The Ex is. We took a shower together, early on in our relationship, and I was scandalized. It wasn’t [...]

A few years ago, The Ex and I got a stack of movies from Blockbuster.com.  Among them, entirely by mistake, was “Carmen Electra’s Lap Dance Workout.”  Seriously, it was a mistake: it was in the package with another DVD.  Anyway, despite being not inclined to work out at all, we watched the video.  We are [...]

It’s a hard lesson to learn: Don’t be a cliche.  Dating is hard enough.  Don’t mess things up for yourself by being a cliche.  Be creative.  Pay attention to the person you’re dating and find out what they would like. For example, sending flowers to a girl you’ve had a great date with is so [...]

How can a queer girl who looks unqueer identify herself to other lesbians? Here are the standards: wear your Lesbian Mafia Tshirt (which I do!), wear rainbow stuff, put recognizably gay symbols on your car, etc. What’s a girl to do, however, when she finds in herself in a business or social setting, talking to [...]

You’ll hear all kinds of people trying to be seductive and suggesting that they will drizzle chocoloate syrup over you and lick it off. That, too, is better in theory than reality.  First of all, remember the first rule: sugar + vagina = yeast infection.  Apart from that, the chocolate syrup will stain your sheets.  [...]

How is this a Lesbian Life Lesson? In the 21 years since I came out, things have changed for LGBT people, mostly for the better.  That “gay marriage” is even being discussed is progress.  In 1988, believe me, no one was talking about gay marriage.  Over the years, LGBT people have run for office, have [...]

Don’t ever let anyone tell you vibrators are a bad idea! Okay, I am not *personally* a fan of electrical currents so close to my nether regions but The Girl and DIL gave me a great reason to buy one – should I ever find myself the mother of a crying infant. It turns out, [...]

One question never to ask your intended: “How many women have you slept with anyway?” Chances are pretty good that you don’t want to hear the answer. No, I don’t mean to imply that your beloved is easy. There are simply too many opportunities for things to go awry. What if her number is higher [...]

Entirely without permission, I am going to quote a friend of a friend.  My friend was filing her nails in the car, much to the annoyance of friend’s girlfriend.  Friend’s Girlfriend then asks Her Own Friend, who was riding in the backseat, “what do you call a woman who files her nails in the car?”  [...]